w/ Jim Behrle

4/1-Pilot Part One

Soft white leather seen through a telescope. White crane or gryphon atop a cane. Leave three thousand dollar bills as a tip. I wear my sunglasses at night. And during the day, too, probably. After sticking electrodes to your bald spots all you'll be interested in is cartoons. My name isn't Bouchard. I'm not the Ambassador to Peru. You wanna know if that's my car. And, of course, you want a favor.

my folks offered me their forest green leather couches, one of them a convertible, because they're planning on renting out the downstairs of their house but i've got no room for them, the couches.

Headlights flip out from the hood. Identity: unknown. As a diamond ring pours a sandy white poison into a martini the size of a punchbowl. Loose diamonds roll across a table like die. When the lights flicker you'll know it's happening again. Somebody is being turned into a happy six year-old. A crinkled-up Bel Air address. He's tripled the voltage. Make him see me. One long pinkenail dragged through a bag of cocaine. I will throw some parties, but you won't be there, Eddie. She's an easy lover.

my folks offered me their medium sea green metallic pontiac bonneville,
but i live in the city so i turned them down.


4/2-Pilot Part Two

Posing as a Texan at a Job Placement Agency. Playing footsie under the table with your blackmailed wife. I was in the back of the courtroom giving you the thumbs-up. Just my legs on the video camera. Later we'll burn all the videotapes and spike the guards' water cooler with hallucingins[sp?]. No, Daphne. I work for you.

wing-back chair head-nodding,
my dvr schedule whacks my sleep schedule
waiting these passover nights to watch shows with my returning parents
one or two together,
the rest late night, early morning apart

Get a load of this guy. You got an ice-cream truck parked outside? You think you can swing in from Tacoville and vacuum up my operation? You gonna strap me down and zap me too? Take the 8 foot tree with you. There are times when I get tired of staring at the inside of a suitcase. Fill my pants with shower rods and towels to make it seem like someone is sitting cross-legged in my room. Topped off with a giant golden eagle belt buckle. My sunglasses will show me where the lasers are.

i want everything my parents' touched because they touched it, everything they touched,
sunday morning egg sandwich one egg aluminum frying pan,
deep, dark yellow and creme, zig-zag knitted blanket for cold blooded mom's tv watching
dad's big, brass oval A&W Root Beer belt buckle, with just A ampersand W on it,
everything they touched.


4/3-Ancient Eyes

Let's pretend to be Mexican. You pretend to be my wife. I fall in love with everyone for an episode. She says shhhh. And then wears the veil. The jeep runs over the telephone booth with you in it. Some of the women here have been raped. I just need three men willing to stand up. I don't usually do repeat business. Strumming guitar that syncs up to nothing, with rising tension. It means harm follows the wanderer. Guys like him don't tend to live very long.

when my folks get on me about not taking care of myself
about the way i eat
the off-hours i sleep
the diabetes
and all
when my folks get on me about not taking care of myself
i tell them “you know, 43’s a good run.”
and get a “yeah, fucking genius with a master’s degree.”


4/4-Ether

There are too many people dying. We lost another one last night. Painting her stomach red in a clockwise swirl. Let's stop some of this bleeding. That is[That's?] something about those Lakers, isn't it? The patient is waking up. For godsakes I have his insides on the table. It wasn't this cold last year. An empty carousel set on puree. You fall outside that dark shroud. I'll ask you for something sometime. Give me some history. Red lights flashing. Montage of too many needles to count.

it's pretty easy to inject myself each day, twice each day,
with that diabetes drug, byetta, i passed on two years back.
just put the ultra-fine pen needle
on one end of the month's worth of prefilled, 5 micrograms per dose pen,
pull back the dose knob and turn until it hits 5,
rub some alcohol on my belly
(i use the right side in the morning, the left side at night)
then inject the dose
and count to 10.
nathaniel asked me if it's working yet,
i don't know i said, but i'm doing it,
and watching my numbers
and watching what i'm eating.
i took my socks and sneakers off
noticed my right pointer toe looked a little bit discolored.
put on my mocassin slippers.

A warehouse filled with homeless people they pretended to kill and now keep in comas to extract their lifejuice to keep a dying billionaire alive. We start a fire and jiggle the vials ominously to aid our escape. I read all the books in the library about what doctors know overnight. But you can tell I'm not a surgeon. You say I'm too nice, I have soft eyes. Which is funny because the CIA trained me.

watch just the end of clueless, again,
first alive brittany murphy in months
general public asks
where the tenderness is.


4/5-Below the Line

Choked while deep sea diving. Grabbing at my helmet because you've turned the pressure all the way up. Zip closed the blue bag. How do you feel? Like a canned ham. Night dives thru purple water. A big thumbs down. You keep forgetting about that cat. Tubes explode, helmet flipping away through the current. The police aren't interested in anything unless there's a hole in it and it's covered with powdered sugar. It's those tobacco stains on your teeth. My contribution to detente.

I'm eating on the left side of my mouth
the root canal hole on my right side awaits filling
now temporarily filled by the contents of each right side bite
testing my tongue's sucking power each time i right side chew.

You betrayed me and you betrayed him. Swimming along the bottom all the way to the secret offshore oil rig. We are (shh) stealing gas. At this point they know I'm a spy and I'll probably never see Patricia Wettig again. I give them the slip behind the compressor. Red light beeping in C-14. I can't escape with the evidence. I think I just might wanna squeeze him and see what comes out. The eardrums go first. I want you to set everything to blow. What should you tell your son? My eyes go down when I tell a lie. Which you find endearing.

i was more a melanie mayron guy than a patricia wettig one
i wanted to be gary to her melissa
ride my bicycle to teach lit classes
watch her photograph anything
make red-headed babies
listen to her speed.


4/6- Sometimes You Gotta Sing the Blues

Hide your gun in a potted plant and pretend to be a hairdresser. Eavesdropping from the taco truck on the cops. This is gonna be the shortest race for governor in history. Blond lady gives you a shhhh. Count Dracula's here. She's in the game room. It ain't pretty. Muchas gracias for the glass of milk. Police captain framed for the murder of his wife. Chessboard pillowcase. You're under arrest. For what? Using up more than your share of fresh air and moonlight. All you need now is a brick wall and a firing squad.

My roommate closes his bedroom door as his girlfriend and he chat and I hang up shirts that need to be laundered. He thinks I'm eavesdropping. Then why doesn't he concentrate on keeping it down in bed, like right now. His girlfriend's a moaner, which i have no complaints about, until i hear his moaning kick in a little bit later. i think i'm gonna move on to ole reliable sites, watch free sex movies online. welcome to the internet, david, welcome.


4/7- Abnormal Psych

Firing the gun wildly, eyes closed. Taking my sunglasses off and on. They strap me down and show me pictures of a tiger roaring, a soldier with a gas mask on and funky lines. Over and over. I'm pretending to be in college even though I'm almost 40. And the registrar's office made some kind of mistake because my roommate is a pretty blond co-ed. There's something ominous about driving to the airport. Typing in blue, answers in red. They brainwashed you to shoot me but instead you are hit by a bus. Thankfully you were a terrible shot.